Festive Diplomat Gifts

Tony BLair's christmas card list.

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

'There. See? Your buddy is OK. Now show us our guy before we make the swap.'

"So are you can't cook or won't cook?"

Thanksgiving Family Get-Togethers

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

Landing That Tough Account

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

"She called me immature, And if that wasn't bad enough, she burst my bouncy castle."

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

'We'd like a quiet table for 47.'

'My fortune says you're a liar, so I won't even ask what yours says.'

"You'll have one bite of everything!"

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

"Sign the contract first kid, then you get the sweets!"

"There's U.N. Weapons Inspectors at the door. They need to see your meatloaf."

"Is this the table with a complaint?"

'Thanks, Sis, but I think it's my turn to leave the stealth tip.'

Permission to get to first base denied.

Salesman in a Santa suit

Drunk sailor anchored to a bar.

"These family dinners have become a lot friendlier since we started wearing nametags."

"Would either of you care to look at the dessert menu, or are you still breaking up?"

"Just one menu for us, please. We don't want to overeat."

"Police. Nobody move or groove."

Non-smoking. Do you have a footsies section and a non-footsies section?

'What - are you deaf? He said, ‘I do.' Let's move it along.'

"Would you mind bringing me a Western utensil?"

'My fortune says 'You have enjoyed genetically modified rice and you will be hungry for more in an hour.''

Sanna Marin party