Festival Safety Guardian Gifts

Fire Marshall Chanukah

Face painting.

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

'I'm getting some unusually high readings around you.'

The proper way to wear your mask

'My dear boy its a wonderful display of post modern expressionism with overtones of Dada.'

"This one I feel like protecting, the others I don't."

"Law & Order: Museum Guards."

Salvador Dali museum

'Which end's the shallow end?'

Museum Guard Portrait

"Here's Bill now. I'm not sure where he's been, but I'm guessing it was the Sour Beer Festival."

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

"It is exactly hundred million and four years, 6 months, 2 weeks and 4 days old. I know that because it was a hundred million years old when I started work here..."

"Excuse me where are the dinosaurs."

"They had to make that it guy the CEO. He won't reveal the Master Password."

Man reading report with safety belt on.

Museum of Natural History.

'It's not safe the way it is. It could fall on someone.'

'But in all fairness, Ms Frimley, the guillotine isn't intended as an interactive display.'

'We hope you understand that you're not worth risking on our new carpet, and your feet will smell if you take your shoes off.'

"Bob's daily nap became one of the most popular museum exhibits."

Safety: 'When Can I Work On My Own?'

'Make sure you stay in the shallow end.'

Guard tells a little boy looking at a dinosaur skeleton: 'It was delicious.'

"I'm the designated driver."

Watchdog Maddoff Type Fraud Schemes.

The Artists Fall-Back Career 'It's an easy gig to get once you stop waxing.'

'You're home early. I thought you were going to the gym.' 'I did. And then I saw a big sweaty butt print on the stationary bike seat, and well, here I am.'

Children and the pandemic

Naughty Dog in the Museum.

Sleeping Guards

'Given the medication you're on, Larry, maybe you ought to go home!'

Rule 1: Wear a life jacket. Rule 2: Don't get all tangled up in the anchor rope.

'What? I'm behind the barriers, aren't I?'