Fence-side Storyteller Pillows

'This isn't ordinary gossip... this is her 'week in review'.'

The Government's Got Your Back. And Wants Your Front As Well.

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

Pavement Artist

'Not only do you need a good dish to win on this cooking show, you need a good story!'

Avoid Constant Borrowing

"This next song's about our desperate struggle to please and chronic craving for approval. I really, really hope you like it."

'It's a rags-to- riches story. You should take the company tour.'

Desert Island Gossipping

Hadleyville Has-Beens

How does she get her grass so green?

statue in park: 'Arnold P. Rossiter, a local boy who went to the big city and made it big... and now he's back home, flipping burgers, just like we always said he would.'

"Hello Billy, how is your mother?"

'As there's no one left to talk about then one of us had better move!'

'Been in advertising long?' man asks painter, who's painting a pile of rubbish as a beautiful countryside scene.

"Yeah, that Bernice...she's got her nose in everybody's business."

Not a Cage/Not a Citizen

The clock-side in the chimney-corner

'Mum! Next door's puppy is over in our garden again!'

'I've never heard anything so disgusting in all my life. What happened next?'

"Just a minute, this is the gossip I told you last week, and asked you not to repeat."

Historically Significant Fibs

I can sum up the performance of my horse in one word...Last!

Can we have our ball back please?

"And finally...."

"Harold, it's another door to door salesman."

'I'd better not go into details. I've already told you more than I was told myself.'

The US has many problems.

'He says he drinks a lot so he won't be thirsty during the night.'

'I didn't know he was a drinker until he arrived home sober one day.'

'She's losing it-that was LAST week's gossip!'

"I don't know what's worse - my restless feet or her restless mouth!"

"Doris is ill today, so I'll be manning the News Desk."