Fence-side Chatter Pillows

"Doris is ill today, so I'll be manning the News Desk."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Marshmallows

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

"Well I got a dog because I wanted to spend more time brushing hair off my clothes, and picking up poop."

One giant bark for dogkind.

'Dog got your clog?'

"You are sooooo 'grazed!'"

The Neighbours from Hell....

Avoid Constant Borrowing

"BOL means Barking Out Loud."

Desert Island Gossipping

How does she get her grass so green?

'This looks like a really hot piece of gossip, Edna!'

Ramblers Association

'As there's no one left to talk about then one of us had better move!'

'That's it now, Mrs. Baines - see you in the New Year!'

"We seem to have a lot more time together since George started working from home."

'Anyway. It's been nice, but I can't stand here chatting all day.'

'Is it just me, or are these summers getting hotter? '

'When are you going to cook dinner, it's almost time for breakfast?'

"Just a minute, this is the gossip I told you last week, and asked you not to repeat."

'I've never heard anything so disgusting in all my life. What happened next?'

"I always thought it was over the fence gossip, not insider trading."

'Gossip 50p per minute.'

"And finally...."

Can we have our ball back please?

"I've used the "Call of the Wild" excuse to escape for a few days: my mother-in-law is visiting..."

'I drink to forget.' 'Forget what?' 'I don't remember.'

'What did you get him?'

'I'd better not go into details. I've already told you more than I was told myself.'

"Where are you off to then Phil?"

'All I'm saying is-it sounded more like you said 'cheap date' on my answering machine...'