Feline Whisperer Gifts

"I have a couple of other projects I'm excited about."

"I need a peace offering for my human. What's your take? Dead bird of half eaten rat?"

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"I post one thing about how de-clawing isn't that bad, and now the whole world hates me."

The Upholstery Consultant

'Lingerie works, but I usually lure Doug to the bedroom with a laser pointer.'

'Please forgive me for anything I've said or left unsaid.'

'And stop talking to me in that stupid cat voice!'

Bitchbark Canoe

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

Police Feline Unit

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

Children's Parties

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

"No no, I said sit!!"

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"Foster failure"

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

Licensed Therapist

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

Cat woman shopping for cats.

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

"Quick, start the car!"