Feeling Down T-Shirts

"I know you're sad, but don't beach yourself up over it."

'Hmmm.... who shall I phone is likely to be more fed up than I am. . . so I'll feel chirpy?'

They hated me.

October 11, 2009: History is made when 8-year-old Tommy Wurtner becomes the first child to enter space.

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

Quarantine: Day Quinty-Neven

You Know You're Old When...

"The hardest thing about learning to tumble is the floor."

'We don't have a mission statement. We have a survival plan.'

Hot weather brings misery to millions.

Gonna Suck

'Hey, what's up? You're wearing your Friday face and it's only Tuesday.'

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

'It just hasn't been my day.'

'Listen... that sound... we're scraping the bottom of the barrel.'

'Poor fellow. One really is the loneliest number.'

Bad day? Guano happens.

"I've decided to step down, Chilton, and, regrettably, you're underfoot."

"That does it! California is on the naughty list!"

"I feel like everyone's been acting so distant lately."

Gorilla investment tactics.

Foot in ice cube.

"Get Whale Soon!"

'Typical!'

'You don't seem very happy this morning.'

A Week at Ballachulish, Pt. 2

The Open Refrigerator

Right v. Wrong Side of the Bed

More Hamptons

'Gee! Your diet's beginning to work!'

'If she doesn't get well, do I get a refund?'

'Hello...Dr Smith...this is...Fred Yomp's computer...'

"Don't cry, Mom. Lots of parents have children who didn't get into their first-choice college, and they went on to live happy, fulfilled lives."

Man sitting in an ice cream cone.

"I just don't have it in me today..." "Well, aren't you the lucky one."