Federal Agent T-Shirts

'It's not fair. The Fed pays people good salaries for doing the same thing.'

"Psst. Can you keep a secret?"

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles - we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts!'

CIA, 'Blast it! -- We shouldn't NEED a lost & found department!'

CIA, 'Blast it! -- We shouldn't NEED a lost & found department!'

'Surprise! We're with Club Fed!'

'We are from the F.B.L.' (FBI for Lemonade)

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles - we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts!'

'I never knew the SEC had a swat team..'

FBI Agents Discuss Grilling Techniques

'This is Ferguson, one of our few unspecial agents.'

'We've decided to grant you a new identity -- you're now a cocktail waitress in Sioux City.'

Federal Department of Disproportionate Force.

'Agnes, do you ever get the feeling you're being watched?'

'You've been working at the FBI too long. A keyhole is not a surveillence device.'

'Federal agents Dickenson and Clark. Care to explain why you skipped over the FBI warning and the beginning of your movie?'

'Okay, my turn - I spy, with my little eye....'

Entering Arizona: Illegal Immigrants, Keep Out! Feds, Keep Out!

"You know, we could save a lot of money if we just followed everybody on Twitter."

Iraq, Afghanistan, Portland

"One final question... Are you now or have you ever been a whistleblower?"

Figure 1. TSA Uniform Guide

CIA, 'Sorry, Ferguson, but you're out - I gave your job to Inspector Twelve.'

Expanded Limited Investigation

Kids in Cages: under New Management

"The president's parade"

"Patel confirmed"

Office of the National Intelligence Director. The FBI and CIA are insulting each other's intelligence again.

Federal Agent Murph … just so I get this straight, I'm not a suspect in the potential Russian blackmailing of the president? Of course not. I'm counting on you to cover it. As a journalist. I suspect my superiors are caving to pressure from the White House. My investigation may hit a brick wall. So the press may be our only hope to at least get it all out there. And since the suspect Rudy Park is your old roomie, I figured you'd want to be the one to tail him to Moscow. Then why am I tied up in

… So Ace Peerless and I were parasailing, and out of nowhere, he took out his knife, cut his cords, and plummeted into the ocean. Of all the times I've had men run out in the middle of an argument, that was by far the most annoying. Susan, I said my old college roommate Rudy Park is a Russian spy, and a federal agent put me on a plane to Moscow to follow him and expose how he's helping Putin blackmail the president! Not being heard. That is my biggest pet peeve, Lemont. Ace knows that. Could you

"It's hard to get good help these days."

'I understand about strangers, but is it okay to take candy from Federal agents?'

"Unfortunately, my crime spree occurred just before today's level of incompetence set in at the F.B.I."

CIA, 'Sorry, Ferguson, but you're out -- I gave your job to Inspector Twelve,'

'Gentlemen, I fear that my remaining time here will be short. The fed has a drone stalking me.'