Feature Writer Gifts

"This new poll says that public are sick of Big Brother. Let's do an eight page spread on it."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Bond James, Bond."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Copycats

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

Torturing the English Language

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)