Fearsome Cuddler Gifts

"He may be Sven the Slayer to you, but to me he's still Mr Cuddly Bun!"

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'It's normal, don't worry, people on the street just love patting puppies...'

Remember how you advised me to get a dangerous hobby to build up my self-esteem and impress people? Well, all the dangerous hobbies were already taken. You wrestle alligators

Horror Stories.

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

Scary stuff

Presidential Pooch Meets The Press

'I love the mountains and all, but I simply can't do this....I'm just too chicken.'

'Next!'

"I see so much love reflected back in his adorable little face."

"This sounds promising. . . dark brown hair, loyal, cuddly and good in bed."

'I can't bear to be without you.'

"Cute how they curl up at the foot of our bed every night, isn't it?"

Sword Swallow is Bitten by a Mosquito.

'What do you mean you're afraid of the dark? You're a nightcrawler.'

"So we all love Cuddly Poo, but to cover ourselves, better run it by day care."

Hugs 50 cents

'Yep. I used to use chemical to strip wallpaper, but the cats are more efficient, and there's no nasty smell.'

Ralph has lots of animal magnetism.

"We probably shouldn't cuddle."

"It's just happened again! I don't get it! Master is such a nice guy: why would the neighbours always decline his invitations?"

"Ideally we're keen to go somewhere that they're not trying to kill us."

A man jumps out of a window to avoid an injection.

'Short brown hair. Very cuddly, good in bed.'

Snakeboarding.

"I've always been a gnome body."

Financing Nemo

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

Veterinarian at a large animal clinic staring up at a huge beast.

"You know very well you're not supposed to beg at the table."

Leaning on a friend

Tapeworms Need Love Too

'I see you've met Butch.'

Frankenstein Collectibles: Buyer Beware