Fearless Sofa Squad Gifts

'I don't trust him - he's got beady eyes.'

Remember how you advised me to get a dangerous hobby to build up my self-esteem and impress people? Well, all the dangerous hobbies were already taken. You wrestle alligators

"I witnessed something I can never unsee." "What happened, little buddy?" "Some guy walking out of the 'Wolverine' premiere shouted spoilers to the crowd that was waiting to see the second show." "A bunch of the fans who were dressed in costumes got so angry they attacked him." "I don't think I can ever unsee five Pyros and a Colossus beating a Happy Hogan with plastic flamethrowers." "Happy Hogan had it coming."

"The couch hates me Jane!"

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

"I was thinking we might staycation on the sofa."

"She died doing what she loved."

'He's part Great Dane and part couch potato.'

'We've found it Chandler- The forbidden temple!'

"It might be this Christmas, it might be next."

"I'm not so sure anymore where the sofa ends and you begin."

Sofa Sale: 'I like this sofa - I'll take it.'

"Oh, stop whining - you knew this was just a dental practice."

"I'm looking for an arrangement that says, 'Sorry about the sofa.'"

Bug bomb squad.

Burglar Alarm.

"There's one thing that scares me at Halloween."

"I remember when you used to hold a scepter instead of that remote."

"Our winner for the 50th time in a row..."

"OK, I'll let you in, but remember: If you scratch it, you buy it!"

'I know they're flesh-eating zombies, but I had to let them in - they brought wine.'

The problem is not in your set or at the station. That leaves only you, doesn't it?

'I hadn't realised we were such a sofa loving nation.'

Lion tamer scared of mouse.

'He made that sofa himself, the last thing he ever made!'

"I think we both know it's time for the groomer."

"Hello 911? Yes it is an emergency. It's my ball. It's gone right under the sofa."

'Your scooter is cool, man!'

I'm sure Speckles will let you back on the sofa it you apologise to her

"I just want to take a minute today to acknowledge all the guys out there named Bret who are too shy to correct people who think their name is Brad."

'Silvia, did I do something wrong?'

CLINIC, 'Are you worried about passing your blood test?', 'Heck, no -- anybody can BLEED.'

'It's early days, but it looks as if downhill sofa jumping is fast becoming an Olympic discipline!'

'I find the whole walking thing a bit overrated.'