Fearless Joker Pillows

Stamp out bubble wrap.

The aliens froze, gripped by a primal fear. This time there would be no abduction.

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

Mountain climbers face a closed route.

Batman's Baby

"It's a complicated time for needle phobics."

'I've got a cape. I think I can make it.'

Well, she certainly is one of our more positive employees!

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

The noise from the basement was probably nothing – but if it was, she was a sacrifice her older brothers were willing to make.

'This is going to be the best day ever!'

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

"Dad, it's gonna take more than that to scare me."

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

"Are there sharks in the water?"

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

'I hate the new building inspector. He can smell fear a mile away.'

Adult Absence Notes.

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

Hiker's right of way.

"Perhaps we should start by addressing your fears."

'I don't think my parents are ready for me to come out of the closet just yet.'

'Don't be afraid!...Bobo's just going to fix the teeth a little tighter.'

"His legs yurn to jello when he wears Relaxed Fit jeans."

Jesus falling over a wave.

"... and you've had this irrational fear that evil clowns were hiding under your bed since you were how old?"

This next song is about facing your fears, which I'll be playing on the ukulele.

'At least you still think I'm great, don't you, boy?'

'Don't worry, Mrs. Shumberg, your son has years of experience doing this. He knows just what he's doing.'

'This milk smells funny.'

"I don't know who hid it there but that one's got your name all over it."