Fearless Fangs Fixer T-Shirts

Dr. Miller like to show off his ability to remove a full set of braces in one quick, bare-handed, jolt.

Skiing.

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

Remember how you advised me to get a dangerous hobby to build up my self-esteem and impress people? Well, all the dangerous hobbies were already taken. You wrestle alligators

Waiting for Pants

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

"It's a complicated time for needle phobics."

His verbal skills are developing, but his motor skills are very advanced. (Originally published on 2009-02-01).

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

Enlightened Cursing

You May Bang Your Head Here/You May Talk To Here.

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

"Ambitions... to finish on the winning side for a change."

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

'...I also do some work for the tax department.'

"Kick the machine"

"Dad, I'll assemble yours if you assemble mine."

In Tray Out Tray Suspicious Tray

'They can be a real menace at this time of year.'

As the plane faded into the distance, John began to second guess his decision to live off his catch for the next 2 weeks.

"Sorry, but road rage is next door. This room is for people who get frustrated with their compute and take it out on their keyboards."

"I had to improvise"

'Yeah, I know, but don't worry, I've scared the living daylights out of him: He'll never spear-fish again...'

"Tell Santa that Rudolph's check engine light is on."

'Sorry about the screaming during that air pocket, back there.'

Honey, I'm stuck in another pot-hole!

'Maybe you could get dressed faster if you lost that speed bump around your waist.'

"Darling - I can't seem to find the invisible menders..."

"That's really great , but what do you do if you want to remove the nail?"

Resistance.

'What do you mean you're not reaching into the livewell?'

"So a plumber charges $600 for 45 minutes' work?! Is that the coolest job or what?!"

'I guess it's official now. No one in this town actually makes anything anymore.'

Tailor Shop. Repairs. Alterations. You're a tailor who fixes torn pants?! When we met in the bar you said you were a genetic engineer! No, I said I do "jean splicing"!