Fearless Decorator Pillows

'It must be some sort of medical phenomenon that all the men in one office are afraid of heights.'

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Painting by the numbers for adults

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

Painting the Ceiling

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

"Too bright."

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

Child makes a toy and frightens himself.

"I'm starting to think stripes."

"Except for that wall socket, the whole damn thing is a trompe-l'oeil."

Face Painting.

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

'I wanted a change in decor.'

"Hon, do you think the accent wall was a mistake?"

Redecorating Easter Island.

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

'Quick, press control Z!'

Curtains haberdashery

'Here you are. I got tired of making you endless cups of tea..!'