Fear-free Funster T-Shirts

'I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want Woody Allen to be there when it happens.'

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

'The puppy just downloaded on your computer keyboard.'

With Grandpa it was often a game of hide and sleep.

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

The Horse Jump - One girl makes it over, the other is cover in leaves.

'Look. A mom with a handy carrying case.'

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

"How do you like my 'Pop art'?"

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

'He takes after your mother' (colour)

"The amendments are coming next week!"

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

"You spoil that boy."

'Congratulations Mrs Marrow, it's a courgette.'

'Did you know that turkeys and dinosaurs are closely related? Meet my cousin, Lenny!'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

'Mom never said she was a clown!'

"It's from the E.P.A., they say we have to have a non-smoking section."

Actualities - Artists abusing permission to exhibit more than three pictures this year

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

"It's the appendix to the Ten Commandments: The Ten Ultimatums."

Naughty kids watching TV and telling their slack dad to go back to his kennel.

Dang, another calling. This time, Avon.

'I can't believe this! Is there anyone here who isn't too chicken to jump?'

'Just because Buster got a tattoo doesn't mean that you have to!'

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'