Undercover Funster T-Shirts

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

Cheeze Wiz.

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

The Horse Jump - One girl makes it over, the other is cover in leaves.

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

Drat. Your bolts are metric,but my tools aren't.

Memories of Souvenirs and Memorabilia.

Actualities - Artists abusing permission to exhibit more than three pictures this year

Person playing the cymbals.

"That is six feet."

'We find the defendant to be TOAST.'

The real reason the Chinese emperor built the great wall.

"Straw, sticks and bricks are in aisle seventeen. Wolf repellent is in aisle four."

The Cheshire Dog.

"Label says it's organic. That just means it's made in the State of Organ."

Billy Connelly.

'Hello, is that over-eaters anonymous?'

'Are you sure you followed the pattern right?'

'My new year's resolution was to delegate more...So I delegated managing massively increased demands with drastically reduced resources in a flat-lining economy to George.'

I think you need to recuse yourself from this trial, your honor. I plan to flirt with this witness, and you're much too handsome to compete with.

'Wait, we have to go back! - I forgot my air guitar!'

'OK, OK, I'll make sure I replace the loo roll from now on!'

'Bernie. You better have my ashtray by the time I get there!'

'Dennis it doesn't have to be like this, we can cancel the dental appointment if you like.'

CIA HQ. There are lots of stupid ways for agents to blow their cover, but a "God Bless America" ringtone?!

Airlines: Arrivals/Departures. . . Number of Boeing 737 Max Planes Grounded: 500

'It's not much of a present, is it?'

'Woof woof.' - 'I thought it was against company policy to have animals in the office.'

'It's nice to know a girl can still stop traffic.'

'Welcome to the frat, Todd! OK, Bob. Your turn. If you want to be a member, you've got to let him get you riiiight up to the net before you snap the line.'

'He just walks that way to take advantage of the new tax breaks for Bipedals.'

'I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want Woody Allen to be there when it happens.'

Dwarf brothers plunder yard-gnomes for their clothing....

"It's drive-by dating."