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When Moms Dance

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

'It says the best way to stop undesirable behavior is to ignore it.'

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

"We learned about the 10 commandments, but I bet my parents will add a few of there own!"

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

Naughty kids watching TV and telling their slack dad to go back to his kennel.

'Well, he certainly has his father's nose!'

'What goes putt-putt-putt-putt?'

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

"Can't fathers read?"

"All set? I'm using the self timer. We will take 3 pictures!"

'That's for not taking an interest in archery!'

'Look. A mom with a handy carrying case.'

'Mom never said she was a clown!'

With Grandpa it was often a game of hide and sleep.

"Mom, that's 2% milk. Shouldn't you get a 98% discount?"

Faddy, fussy and pernickety eating. It's strictly the preserve of those without kids.

"What did I tell you, pretty comfy hey? That's my dad's favourite branch..."

"You spoil that boy."

"If she can give birth every twenty seconds, what's taking mom so long? It's been like eight months already?"

'Congratulations Mrs Marrow, it's a courgette.'

'Grandpa is at that cute age.'

'Before you go on at me, Dad, is it off the record?'

'Look out kids, here comes Basil Rathbone.'

'If God brings the sun and rain, the earth brings our food and the stork brings babies-what's dad hanging around for?'

'All present and accounted for.'

Guess your weight, age or political persuasion.

"We decorated the eggs, the bacon and the toast."

Germany in Lockdown

"I'm the king of the jungle! Why do I always get the hand-me-down phones?"

"Andrew, do you think I'm a bad father?"

"He took up birdwatching during lockdown."

"Enough's enough! I've been calling you two for dinner for the last half hour!"

"This is a funny way to buy my affection."