Fear-free Funster Pillows

'I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want Woody Allen to be there when it happens.'

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

Cheeze Wiz.

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

With Grandpa it was often a game of hide and sleep.

'The puppy just downloaded on your computer keyboard.'

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

The Horse Jump - One girl makes it over, the other is cover in leaves.

'Look. A mom with a handy carrying case.'

'He takes after your mother' (colour)

"How do you like my 'Pop art'?"

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

"The amendments are coming next week!"

'No honey, you can't sell him on ebay.'

'Look, honey, the baby's got your mouth.'

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

"You spoil that boy."

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'Congratulations Mrs Marrow, it's a courgette.'

'Did you know that turkeys and dinosaurs are closely related? Meet my cousin, Lenny!'

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

"It's the appendix to the Ten Commandments: The Ten Ultimatums."

Actualities - Artists abusing permission to exhibit more than three pictures this year

'Mom never said she was a clown!'

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

"It's from the E.P.A., they say we have to have a non-smoking section."

Naughty kids watching TV and telling their slack dad to go back to his kennel.

Dang, another calling. This time, Avon.

'I can't believe this! Is there anyone here who isn't too chicken to jump?'

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'