Faux Finish Fans T-Shirts

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

Working in the Hazard Zone!

'Action!...Cut!...Right, everything else is CGI'

Kensington Fluffies

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

First past the post.

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

"That's a new side effect of our mission to keep things together."

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"O.K. 'The Giant Baby from Space,' Take 1."

It bag and no knickers!

Last Chance for Saturated Fats Next 200 Mi.

'I think I'm just coming up to the finishing line, Dear.'

'Oh great, we teach him to fly and now he tries to show us up!'

Camouflage Paint.

'Please prepare this memo about reducing the use of our photocopiers and give each of our staff a copy. Send them a second copy, as a reminder, in two weeks and send a third reminder the following week.'

Brick Red Paint...

Can we get special effects to digitally enhance our bottom line?

"I'd love to but I'm stuck to the naugahyde."

"I've just had my panel 5 beaten...."

"And this is where the magic happens."

Your negative calorie vitamin water does not cause weight loss. That's false advertising. So you say: House of Java.net Cybercafe. Here's what I say I'm a small American businessman trying to make a living amid brutal economic times only to be rousted from my home by strong-armed federal regulators who hate liberty. Oh stop it. You look like Stalin. Call CNN.

'How come no one ever sends me a fax?'

Figure Skating Competition

"Sit down Fred!"

The Latest in Airbags

'What the heck is a USB Port?!' Suddenly it was Jeff Foxworthy who wasn't smarter than a fifth grader.

Captain Pointy No.54 - Bad head puncture

Caterpillar emerges from cocoon as a 'Super Butterfly'.

"Darling, Mother faxed her tuna-casserole recipe all the way from Ohio."

Faking obedience

'Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age.'

'Enjoy the sound of running water in your own home...'

"Do you play the Lottery, Guv?"

'Grazing Goat, next time take it easy on the war paint. You look like a cheap call girl.'