Fatherhood Analyst Pillows

'My dad was a workaholic...' 'Mine was a drunken stumbblebum.'

Common Core Family Therapy

"I appreciate that you brought me to 'Take our daughters to work day' all those years ago, dad, but I still have to let you go!"

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

A boy and his spin patrol.

'Okay, okay - is there anyone OTHER that the bride's mother who objects to this marriage?'

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"You work for the family business, and I am your father, not the patriarchal oppressor..."

'Someday, son, 50 of this will belong to your ex-wife,'

'I blame my parents, they never set me any standards worth rebelling against.'

'I'm not so sure I'm a problem child. Maybe you're a problem parent.'

"Just because your mother devoured your siblings and not you didn't mean she valued you any less. She was just full."

"He's feeling neglected. Should we text him?"

'They sort of grow on you.'

"Well ok....but in your case I'll need DNA proof!"

'I'm begging you, please don't let me go!'

"Meet your new baby brother! We decided to upgrade."

"She's one of those bad mothers who say they're bad mothers but think they're good mothers."

'A rocking horse? Boy! What will they think of next?!'

Temptation.

'All those years of teaching me to walk and talk. . . now all they want is for me to sit down and shut up!'

"Let's talk about your overprotective mother."

"Typical, you knew my mother was coming today, so you had to have a big meal to be torpid for a few days!"

"Don't fight us, Timmy. We have numerical superiority."

Fathers Saluting Each Other.

"Oh no, not dinner again!"

"Our little girl is growing up - this very morning she told me she hates me."

"I'm getting to know the staff better. You're my son, aren't you?"

"I don't know what's worse - my helicopter mom or her drone."

'It would have been easier to prove your father was of sound mind when he wrote this will if he hadn't written it on the headed notepaper of the psychiatric hospital in which he'd been sectioned.'

'Your wife gets custody of the children, and you get custody of the babysitter.'

'I'm afraid the legislation only covers one partner.'

'Motherly radar, we've know about. Now we suspect motherly in-home surveillance cameras.'

"What's it like to have sexually active parents?"