Father-in-law Pillows

"You can rest assured, Mrs. Wilson, that your husband will receive the best care known to medical coverage."

'How will this affect my inheritance?'

"Oh yeah? Well my dad's child support payments are bigger than your dad's."

"I trademarked my name, so now you'll need to pay me to use it."

Prince Philip

Father-in-law - Break glass in case of emergency

"One day son, all this will probably belong to some little floozy you'll marry."

Suitcase of money - "Well, put like that of course you can marry my daughter."

"I'm sorry, but Dad's final wishes were that you didn't get to sit in his chair."

"One day son, all this will be run by robots."

'He Will!'

Will was excited to be bonding more with his father-in-law-to-be until he noticed the head of the driver.

"Mom wants us to spend 'Quality time' together, so don't blame me."

'He's the father of the entire first row.'

Dad said that if he's paying for the wedding, he's entitled to a little something.

'Come and get it!'

'I'm out here, Dear, replacing our old door mat since we're getting a visit from your mother.'

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

'Your father doesn't like me does he?'

Mr. Snawley enlarges on parental instinct

'I know that right now I don't have too much to offer to your daughter, but I promise you that in a few million years my fossilized remains will cost more than one hundred dollars a barrel.'

'I'm married with five children.' - 'Sorry, we're looking for someone with sound judgement.'

"Here comes Methuselah and it looks like he's going to be complaining about his old age pains."

'Maybe he's getting too heavy for this thing?'

"Gosh,no wonder you're having problems with your vegetables,dad.Round cabbages next to pointed leeks is very bad Feng Shui!"

'I once had pigs-in-a-blanket but I don't let my husband's relatives stay the night anymore.'

Bishop sprinkling holy water on his potted plants.

'Look at it this way, you're not losing a son you're gaining an informant.'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

D-Day (Dad Day)

'I've arranged for direct deposit of your allowance to your savings account.'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

'They call them gifts, but they make you pay for them.'

'It's strange that you should ask for my daughter's hand. Only this morning she told me she wants to give you the elbow.'

'Your mother is not a good loser is she?'