In-law Pillows

'I've made our family emergency disaster plan. In the event your family visits, I evacuate!'

"I'm sorry, Tom... but you don't Chronic Fatigue Syndrome if it only when you're going to see your inlaws."

'I know we are both black and white but we are not related.'

Miami: Home of the Miami Relatives

"A word of fatherly advice, Marty: keep your friends close and your enemies even closer. That way there's no room for useless in-laws to squeeze in."

'It's very nice to meet you. Gavin tells me that you're from Venus...'

And for an extra $7.50 per month, we'll block the calls of an in-law of your choice"

'You both know I appreciate you raising me, but I have some news.'

"Robert is part of our extended family."

"Next time we visit your mother we stay at a motel!"

"Bjorn only eats meat from animals that have been sacrificed to appease the Gods."

"I think the air mattress is telling us that he overstayed his welcome."

"You listed your mother as a reference. We decided to contact your mother-in-law instead."

'He's my wife's second cousin three times removed, but he keeps coming back.'

'This new boyfriend of yours is from the wrong side of the pay gap.'

'They all send their love except Mother who says break the other arm.'

"If we're lucky, Aunt jane will seat us at the children's table – out of the line of fire."

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

First Steps

'He's my wife's second cousin three times removed, but he keeps coming back.'

'Dang-burnit, Slappy! I told you to round up some outlaws! Not my in-laws!!'

'I'm afraid it's Daddy you need to impress-he's an R.S.P.C.A Inspector!'

"His family makes my family seem like a family."

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

"I hope your parents appreciate the effort I make to get dressed and leave the house."

In-law country

The Arrival of Aunt Mathilda - Visit or Visitation?

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

"Feel free to take notes."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'