Father-in-law T-Shirts

"You can rest assured, Mrs. Wilson, that your husband will receive the best care known to medical coverage."

'How will this affect my inheritance?'

"Oh yeah? Well my dad's child support payments are bigger than your dad's."

Prince Philip

"I trademarked my name, so now you'll need to pay me to use it."

"One day son, all this will probably belong to some little floozy you'll marry."

"One day son, all this will be run by robots."

'He Will!'

Suitcase of money - "Well, put like that of course you can marry my daughter."

"Mom wants us to spend 'Quality time' together, so don't blame me."

Dad said that if he's paying for the wedding, he's entitled to a little something.

'I'm out here, Dear, replacing our old door mat since we're getting a visit from your mother.'

'He's the father of the entire first row.'

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

'Your father doesn't like me does he?'

'Come and get it!'

Mr. Snawley enlarges on parental instinct

"Here comes Methuselah and it looks like he's going to be complaining about his old age pains."

"Dad did say he'd do anything to get out of going to Mom's parents this vacation."

'They call them gifts, but they make you pay for them.'

"Gosh,no wonder you're having problems with your vegetables,dad.Round cabbages next to pointed leeks is very bad Feng Shui!"

'I once had pigs-in-a-blanket but I don't let my husband's relatives stay the night anymore.'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

'It's strange that you should ask for my daughter's hand. Only this morning she told me she wants to give you the elbow.'

Bishop sprinkling holy water on his potted plants.

'Look at it this way, you're not losing a son you're gaining an informant.'

'I'm married with five children.' - 'Sorry, we're looking for someone with sound judgement.'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

'Maybe he's getting too heavy for this thing?'

'Your mother is not a good loser is she?'

'I've arranged for direct deposit of your allowance to your savings account.'

'I know that right now I don't have too much to offer to your daughter, but I promise you that in a few million years my fossilized remains will cost more than one hundred dollars a barrel.'

"Thanks for granting me permission to marry your daughter, Mr. Anderson. I'll let you know when I make my decision."

"You're not just another employee to me, Henderson --You're also my useless, no good son-in-law!"

"Thanks to our self-driving car, Fred channels all his road rage energy into doing chores around the house!"