Father Figure Gifts

'The basic rule is that people should be able to do their own thing...there should be no compulsion.'

"Everyone wants to know what Jesus would do. No one ever asks how Jesus is feeling about his complicated relationship with his father."

"Shhh, Daddy's painting – snack time can wait."

Muggins and Free Loader

You've always been like the father I never knew, although I have a father and I know him quite well

'No kid, I don't remember your mother! Christ, I've impregnated DOZENS of test-tubes!'

'You should give that to the milkman.'

"...No, he can't really fly...no, the bad guys really don't have a ray gun...no, this cereal really isn't the best food in the whole world...no, it won't make you as strong as a giant..."

"Mummy, Mummy, there's a pirate ship at anchor in the bay! Maybe Daddy's back!"

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Louis Armstrong

Prize vegetables.

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Killer Executive Suits.

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

The Busy Gardener

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

James Bond in a Snow Globe

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

I like the Jets...I guess

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."