Fast-paced Finance Fan Gifts

'So, let's assume I buy 100 shares of this stock - how many minutes should I hold it?'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

Bank Loan Dept. Personal Business. Uh-oh, some loans have gone bad! A tennis pro defaulted and a novelist is in Chapter 7. The bed linens company folded and the scuba school went under! Are any of our loans still good? Yeah, the music streaming service is totally sound! And ironically, the lighting company is in the black!

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

Desk plaques: 'Money isn't everything' '...Which makes it no less awesome in my opinion.'

LEMONADE 50 CENTS, 'I'm only seven years old -- I don't HAVE a credit rating yet!'

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"#Win!"

Annual profits,

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

"I made money the old fashioned way. I inherited it."

European currency on the edge.

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

World Economic Crisis.

Economy - USA.

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

"Now I'll demonstrate how, with a minimum of capital investment, you can make a mountain out of a molehill!"