Fashionista Gardener Pillows

"If you live in a tiny bedsit,you may have to content yourself with a flowery shirt."

Beginning Yarder.

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

Watering the garden gnome

"Oh no, it's Flash Garden!"

"I hear that bamboo is all the rage this year."

'He took a fetching class.'

"Here's the new smart plant...it tells you when you're overwatering it."

'Like I'm going to give this up to migrate.'

'Don't wear that shirt in the garden dear. Roses don't fit in with my planting scheme'

Eden. There's great leaves to wear growing on this vine. Ah, it's the new summer clothing line!

Bird family on top of birdhouse surveying back yard: 'This place has all the amenities, including a master bath in the yard by the Zinnias.'

Sophisticated garden - low maintenance garden

'Everybody's entitled to have a hobby. Mine's growing grass.'

'I'm letting it lie fallow this year.'

Dun Decking

Hipster Yard

M&S goes green - Carbon Neutralising Underpants.

Chelsea flower show sewage

"Now, that's my kind of gardener: somebody who grows dandelions! I love dandelions..."

'Sewer farm - 100% organic'

"Waitress's Day Off""

Could you make me look a little bit more 'cowy'?

'I like to think of myself as a lunar landscape gardener.'

Nature girl.

Solar powered sundial

'It's nice when people give Christmas presents that you appreciate.'

"Square tomatoes. Blue pumpkins? Inside-out corn."

'It's the only way to get to see their more inaccessible plants!'

'I decided to pimp my wheelbarrow.'

'Too small for Santa I'm afraid-but with a fishing rod you would be a WOW in our roof garden!'

A horse of a different color, and matching scarf.

Cow Piercing.

"Oooh, wind chimes�how New Age."

Those aren't your standard gardening shorts. They're perfect. I get a tan on the hard-to-tan backs of my legs. That is important. My only problem is the unsightly panty line. That's easily fixed. Wear looser pants. Will do. In 30 years.