Fashion Fork In The Road Pillows

"Would you like to see the top on Google Earth?"

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

'Mind taking off your scarf.'

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

Born to be Mild.

"You and your daft inventions."

"You might say I'm middle-of-the-road. I'd buy a fur coat but I wouldn't buy a Japanese fur coat."

A Fork-lift.

Spanx Tells Me No

'I stopped you so I could find out where you got that great outfit.'

'I made a good living applying tattoos and a fortune removing them.'

'No fair, man. How come you get a dessert fork?'

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

'Can we do a quick respray to match her super new outfit?'

Figure 1. Termite queen maternity wear

Wine Bar, "Am I not the most fashionable lounge lizard about town ?"

Tattoo Parlour: 'I brought the pig because I have no space left.'

'If you're a driver who likes it all, take a look at this! Sour cream, onions, cheddar cheese, and bacon bits - this baby's loaded!!!'

That's a salad pitchfork, Bob.

Dog Tattoo

"It cuts air resistance."

Miss Fennerman prepares to travel home

"…Ok, tough guy, see this scar? Prius hit me—didn’t even hear it coming." "I got that beat. Right here: three-year-old woke me from a nap with a fork."

"I am here on behalf of a concerned caller, why are you wearing shorts in winter?"

'Had I'd known it would be such a long walk I wouldn't have worn heels.'

Author who wants his novel pierced.

'It says white man got a tattoo, in chinese.'

Spoonfest

'The good news it the Biopsy was negative. The better news is my pants stay up like a dream now.'

Man with broken leg using medical scooter sees another man with a broken leg using a biker gang-style chopper medical scooter.

"I don't care if you're a food critic - you're not combing back in my restaurant wearing only a sash."

Edward stayed home, biding his time & waiting for the pipe smoking revival.

I'd like some nice trendy clothes that actually fit me. Tell me about it!

"You did it, Harold - you got rid of that moustache!"

Sid was regretting having a tattoo...all his mates now call him Popeye!