Fantasy Investor T-Shirts

'But in my fantasy business league, all my stock picks are winners.'

'I'd like to hear your experts' opinion about the development of the gold market, sir.'

"Please, sir. My fantasy stock league beat all the indexes, but I have no real capital to invest."

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

"Your resume's very impressive, but we're looking for a financial wizard."

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

'You may have three mergers.'

"Tell me the fairytale about the economy."

"You have $3,098 in the bank? I'm impressed! So...do you think about investing it?"

Business plan.

Financial Advisor to client: 'Your portfolio still could earn money if you believe in the existence of junk bond elves.'

Collapse of 'Corner Men'

"If you believe, clap your hands. Don't let our IPO die!"

'This is better than magic beans, Jack. It's stock in the company that makes the magic beans.'

'It was the best of investment times, it was the worst of investment times...' (A Tale of Two Markets).

Bookshop selling investment advice books.

"In Heaven it does."

"The stock market hit 50,000 and everyone lived happily ever after."

"What should you do? Here's what you should do: invent a time machine, go back sixteen months, and convert everything to cash."

Unusual Retirement Plans

'I don't know where he's getting it from, but it happens every time I ask him to fetch my slippers.'

"I'll not be a grub forever...soon I'll be a butterfly...I'll be in the money...DRAT!"

"Beware start-ups with a negative cash flow."

'I should warn you that results may vary concerning any wishes about the stock market.'

Bert always found plenty of rubbish for his compost bin

"I can grant your wish for a billion dollars, but you can't wish away filling out an IRS Form W-9."

'Money isn't making you happy? Instead of a low-yield money market, have you tried putting it in high-yield corporates.'

'I can turn base metal into gold, or if you prefer, a portfolio of securities, bonds and equity investments.'

Will I ever meet a financial advisor who inerstands my needs and likes the same sports teams I do?

"He's been on a power trip since his fantasy stock portfolio outperformed Warren Buffett's actual portfolio."

'I was hoping my life would fit the rags to riches model. Instead I've had to settle for rags to large amounts of unsecured debt.'

'We took a serious hit in commodities when Jack here decided to put our money into magic beans.'

'Me, I don't believe in hoarding anymore: I invest in real estate...'

'Just one question: How come my fantasy stock portfolio consistently out performs my actual portfolio?'

'Our funds have been underperforming, but don't worry. We're adding a soothsayer to our management team.'