Fantasy Accountant Pillows

'Put the teeth away. I'm the Audit Fairy.'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

And this is a little ditty I wrote called 'the third quarters profit and loss account' ...Colin often wished that he'd followed his first love and taken up a career as a musician

'You may have three mergers.'

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

Updated Proverbs. We come into the world with nothing. And leave deeply in debt!

Collapse of 'Corner Men'

'Bad news, fellas... it's inventory time.'

'One day son, all of this will be yours.'

'The U.S. Treasury announced today that the federal deficit will no longer be measured in 'trillions' of dollars, but in 'light-years'.'

Rhinestone Accountant

F.B.I. Financial Fraud Investigation Unit. The accountant passed his lie detector test. Where should I file the result? In "accounts believable."

You're doing "taxes", huh? What's your high score?

Open Wide The Dentist's View.

"Be careful - these things have consequences. Tax consequences."

'So the cuts have started then?'

"Sin tax? I love it."

"Fred doesn't take photos. He relives our vacation memories by viewing credit card receipts."

'And what makes you think there's a market for golden eggs?'

'I don't know where he's getting it from, but it happens every time I ask him to fetch my slippers.'

IRS, 'Sorry, but you can't count them as dependents before they hatch.'

"Ted wants to bring the fan back into accounting"

'I realize that this may be carping, but I never did live long enough to enjoy my I.R.A. account.'

Bert always found plenty of rubbish for his compost bin

"I can grant your wish for a billion dollars, but you can't wish away filling out an IRS Form W-9."

"If there's discrepancies in my tax returns, don't blame me. Blame the guy in the alley I paid $20 to do them."

IRS - 'You had NO earned income last year?', 'That's what my boss said.'

"He's been on a power trip since his fantasy stock portfolio outperformed Warren Buffett's actual portfolio."

'Just one question: How come my fantasy stock portfolio consistently out performs my actual portfolio?'

"I look after her tax affairs for �1,000 - she wanted �2,000 but that's all I could afford."

'You're to appear as a state's witness in a case involving undeclared income, by one of your clients.'

'Forget the early withdrawal penalty. What I'm taking out, I didn't put in!'

"No wonder I got it so cheap!"

'I can't play -- I'm being audited.'

"If I won forty-seven million dollars in the lottery, I wouldn't change a thing. Not at first."