Fans Of Humor Pillows

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, lady, can't you read?"

'I have a pony. I want a car.'

Clairvoyant - I want to divorce my husband. He's having an affair next week.

The sorcerers' fancy dress party was turning out to be a lot of old 'warlocks'!

"Apparently it's for celebrities only."

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

"You're trying to start a fight, aren't you?"

"And what would you consider your legacy to be, Dr. Fauci, when all of this is behind us?"

Arm puncture...

Cat and man ambush a mouse.

'You're healthy as an eohippus!'

A better way to sweep the floor.... just shuffle!

Boring Bedtime Stories.

"Yeah, I'm still on hold"

'I can remember when this was just ice.'

'Hon, I'm home!'

Randy;s Man-Lesson: "What you don't know, can't hurt you!"

Raised by Dogs

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"They're comfortable."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"That'll be five bucks."

The Brothers Grime