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Clown's knee reflex sends doctor through ceiling

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

'Snap out of it.'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

"Just give me the truth, Doc...I can tell when you're trying to humor me."

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

'...Better clear my schedule too.'

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

Lazy Doctor

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

"Good news! It's only cancer."

"According to your EKG, you are not a good hearted person."

'This may sting a bit.'

'Have I been waiting long? Well, I guess so. I was forty three years old when I came in.'

'Your breathing test results would be normal ... if you were 3'8' and 150 years old.'

"Doctor, I'm fairly certain we've been feeding the wrong end for a week."

"Those sinus pills you prescribed didn't work, doc...I put three up my nose every day for a week and I'm still congested!"

"You'll be pleased to know you're making good progress - you've just become a statistic."

'Too many tv dinners I'm afraid.'

"I don't mind the wheezing. It drowns out the sound of my boss' voice."

A hospital chart is being dragged off down a mouse hole.

'What's that noise?'

Oh dear. I think your body rejected your cornea transplant.

"I hope for your sake that my watch stopped!"

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

"Doctor, I've got double vision...!"

'Second opinion? Come back tomorrow, I will probably have changed my mind by then...'

"Wake up, RIP. The doctor will see you now."