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'Why even come, Harris?'

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

"Bless You."

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

'Well this is awkward.'

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

'Oops, actually, this is a cockroach I squashed the other day.'

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

One day having a great personality was going to become a crucial evolutionary trait...

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

"Frankly I'm a bit confused. According to the genetic printout this gentleman is, in fact, a goat

"Several groups have claimed responsibility."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

Golfer in a tree.

'I hope you'll excuse the pajamas. They save time when people leave.'

Man spilling coffee and papers, looking like an awkward dance

'He was run over by our home. We live in a mobile home park.'

"A word of advice. . . next time you use the firm's intranet to send a message of undying love. Don't press 'send all'."

If Only Magazine: The Pot Belly Is In!

"How the 'Clint Eastwood is Stan Laurel's son' rumour started"

Develop Your Social Skills: Try asking about something someone just said....

"The procedure took twelve and a half hours, during which time our team of doctors was able to put Mr. Dumpty together again."

"I had a brainstorm at the Existential Marketing Seminar. What if we did nothing?"

"So, do you come nowhere often?"

"Have you experienced hearing and vision loss or difficulty speaking?"

'They get me a lot of respect on the freeway.'

'It's never an easy decision, but if you're looking for something economical, why don't you take a look at out value menu-er...Value model?'

"You know, on second thought I do believe that is checkmate!"

'I'm afraid we can't allow two fat, ugly B******s like you to have a window table.'

Hydrant Fire

"Just make sure you tie it good and tight! We'll have that tooth out in no time!"