Family With Teenagers Gifts

"Leda, honey, let's not keep your date waiting!"

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

"I told you not to touch it. I should've used your language and told you not to click on it."

A father comes home from work and is given a baby.

'We've created a teenager!'

"The sellers had a lot of kids, so they got tired of running out of hot water. So they upgraded."

"My name is Van Gelsing, Madame. I'm an expert in cleaning teenagers' rooms. If you need me, just give me a call, okay?"

'Any stunt driving experience other than teaching three teen-agers to drive?'

'One advantage of living through the plagues and wars of the 14th century was that you didn't have to study Chaucer.'

'Oh my Gawd! He's a weed!'

Excess Baggage: The younger the traveler, the greater the amount of luggage required.

'Quick! Look cute!'

'He's a son-of-a-bitch but he's our son-of-a-bitch!'

"You just wait tilll your father gets home!!"

Ringtones Kids Can't Hear.

Reality of Parenthood

"Uh, officer, actually I wasn't going to report my stolen credit card...."

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

"It took some figuring, but I think I figured out how to handle a temperamental teenager."

"It's so nice out, we decided to let our phones play outside."

"Can't you keep your parenting to yourselves?"

'Adolescents act like babies when they aren't treated like adults!'

May 2004: Crack of 4:00 AM / May 2020: Crack of 4:00 PM

'Sorry, sweetie -- they're not that kind of cookies.'

Scooting Death

'I hope to raise enough money to buy my own house and move out at sixteen!'

"It's too hot to strive for autonomy."

A dog is for life, not just for Covid.

The surrendered mom

'Did you feel that??'

Doggy $100 and don't ask again.

"The new computer system has arrived, and Benny here is going to help us jump the technical hurdles."

'He happened to swallow Junior's helium balloon!'

"Maybe we should send her to finishing school!"