Family Therapy Session Gifts

'Do you ever communicate as a family by just speaking?'

"Mom, Dad, this is my therapist, John, whom I've told so much about you."

'Do you ever communicate as a family by just speaking?'

Interpreters.

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

The No No No's

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"Now, Mrs. Jones, repeat after me..."

Common Core Family Therapy

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

Mythical Family of Four.

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

'We've never had an accident - aside from three of our five kids.'

'I told you he had a temper.'

"When I grow up, I want to impeach a president."

"Do you feel you were loved as a tadpole?"

"Adolescence can be a very trying time, Mr. Alcorn."

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

'No, you can't turn your vegetables into bio-fuel.'

"Although the estate will be distributed equally, your father wanted you all to know that Keith was his favorite, followed by..."

'All those in favor of getting a canary?'

"So which bit do you think was 'nature' and which 'nurture'?"

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'

"No, I want a story I already know all the words to."

"Mr. Wickers called me 'gifted' in front of the whole class. I'm ruined."

"Your wife is here to shed some light on your version of the story."

'Are you having a mid-life crisis?', 'Let's hope so.'

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

I told my mom about my imaginary friend and now she wants to schedule all my play dates.