Family Therapy Session Gifts

'Do you ever communicate as a family by just speaking?'

"Mom, Dad, this is my therapist, John, whom I've told so much about you."

'Do you ever communicate as a family by just speaking?'

Interpreters.

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

The No No No's

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"Now, Mrs. Jones, repeat after me..."

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

Mythical Family of Four.

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

'We've never had an accident - aside from three of our five kids.'

"When I grow up, I want to impeach a president."

"Adolescence can be a very trying time, Mr. Alcorn."

"Do you feel you were loved as a tadpole?"

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

'I told you he had a temper.'

'No, you can't turn your vegetables into bio-fuel.'

"Although the estate will be distributed equally, your father wanted you all to know that Keith was his favorite, followed by..."

'All those in favor of getting a canary?'

"So which bit do you think was 'nature' and which 'nurture'?"

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'

"No, I want a story I already know all the words to."

"Mr. Wickers called me 'gifted' in front of the whole class. I'm ruined."

Interpreter.

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

'Are you having a mid-life crisis?', 'Let's hope so.'

"Your wife is here to shed some light on your version of the story."

'Everytime I look at another man he hits the ceiling.'

"Look, we might have our little tiffs, but I think we should stay together for the sake of the children."