Family Stories Collector T-Shirts

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

"Feel free to take notes."

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

"I now pronounce you a partial place setting."

Mythical Family of Four.

'It's time you knew the truth. You're not my real son. You're a novelization.'

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

"Can you tell me the story again about how you swiped right on Dad?"

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

Newborn making the V-sign

"When I was a little girl...my mami had really good remedies for our aches and pains."

'Tom's always been the black sheep of the family.'

'I don't remember ever having a good memory.'

Who's Dead

'Who turned up the thermostat?'

'Neat photo Lucy, I'll put it up in my room... Do you have any drawing pins?'

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

Thank you for visiting us again Son... Can I still call you Son? You are so handsome now...

Aladdin's Cave of Wonder

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

'I've been knocking for ages!'

Catherine the Great with her daughter Nora Soso

"Okay, I'm not the fastest gun in the west. . . but I am the fastest gun in my immediate family!"

"You're like the grandpa I never had, Mort." "You never knew your grandpappy, Randy?" "Oh, no, I knew him. Grandpa Randy was an intrepid archaeologist who broke hearts and defeated villains all over the world." "‘Indiana Randy’s’ life story became the stuff of legend. They even made some movies based on his exploits." "I'm just saying you're nothing like him." "I was going to see those films back in the '80s, but the matinees were past my bedtime."

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

"We met through a contact tracing app."

"Back in my day there weren't any delivery trucks, distribution centers and fancy computers! We just hopped door-to-door until our feet bled!"

'Oh my, it's my sister's address! I'm delivering my own nephew!'

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

'Grandpa, tell us again about you and Great-Grandpa William.'

Mr. Dombey introduces his daughter Florence

"As I call each of your names, please answer by saying 'Present'"