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Mr. Ralph Nickleby's 'honest' composure

The Runaway Horse

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

"Truth is relative at these reunions. It depends on which relative you talk to."

Knights of the bedside table.

'Okay, time to sleep now. Switch off your nose, Rudolph'!

Updated Fairy Tales. Having all of them around sure sweetened my stimulus check!

Little boy reading a classic whilst his Dad reads a comic.

'It's time you knew the truth. You're not my real son. You're a novelization.'

What do you mean, you like me. We're love birds!

Gloria, why do you keep saying "Go Fish"? We're playing poker. It's as close as I can get to telling you what I'd really like to in a family newspaper.

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

Damsel takes blackbird pie mix from store shelf.

Wotan with eye patch

Newborn making the V-sign

Two bedbugs after a tryst.

'Who are you trying to fool, that's a beach towel.'

Boss

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

'Because he was the one who had to milk her. That's why Jack traded the cow for a handful of beans.'

"Wait … where’s Chicken Little? And who is ‘Kim Jong Un’?"

'And then Baby Bear said...'

'Oh my, it's my sister's address! I'm delivering my own nephew!'

'Was this eye of newt locally sourced?'

'My teacher has a good memory. She remembers what a rotten kid you were.'

Now I'll read your father's 6th will and testament, which I'm sure you know may change a few more times.

Alice in Wonderland - The Cheshire Cat.

"That's your uncle Colin. He's the black sheep of the family."

"I think we should start seeing other people."

"Good memoir, but we're looking for something more candid. Like not-being-invited-home-ever-again-for-Thanksgiving candid."

'try moderation next time!'

"He's been taking anabolic steroids."

'I don't want you playing with those awful Lear girls any more!'

'The prince kissed the frog when it didn't turn into a beautiful princess he had frog legs for dinner.'

'Steer clear of the blow hole until we get to Sausalito.'