Family Rivalries Expert Gifts

'Oh yeah, well your dad may have a better calculator, but my dad can add without one.'

'I am so proud: My kids are finally fighting all the time!'

"Act your birth order!"

'Oh no! We forgot to unstrap granny before we left!'

'In my day you had to reach puberty before you could act surly.'

'MOM! -- Samantha called me names in her diary!'

"Mother, take your time, I know this isn’t easy for you. But this is an important moment in our lives, so I will ask you one more time, what on earth did you do with my old comic books?!"

"A phony attorney…I'm so disappointed, son. Your brother is a phony doctor."

"So, you're the blind date! Listen, if it doesn't work out with my Lisa, just comeback: she has 27 sisters...."

Brother and sister at the dentist

3 Easy Christmas Crafts

'How do you figure?'

Bad Heir Day

'Dad, can I speak to you, offline, about father son bonding?'

"Mommy and Daddy are arguing again."

Family Feud

"We are fighting so much I'm coming to live with you again."

Thanksgiving Smackdown

'Your second cousin won a Nobel Prize in physics, and you don't know how gravity works?'

'I have an older brother too, so I know what it's like to be in middle-management.'

"There's no one to blame but myself. I wish I had a little brother."

"I'm gonna be an artist!"

Patriarchy vs Matriarchy

"Life as I know it is over! My mom's going to have another baby... I'm no longer their pride and joy!"

"Why do you decide everything? Why were you born first? Who made that ruling? And where do I file my appeal?"

"We don't fight all the time, only when we're together."

"He's got a very easily done in head."

'When my folks left for the evening, my little sister was always in charge...'

"Any chance of hanging around to watch them fight over the will?"

"And then, as soon as I had carved out my niche, they went and had another kid."

'Yeah, that used to be my place - my sister bought me out.'