Family Rivalries Expert Pillows

'Oh yeah, well your dad may have a better calculator, but my dad can add without one.'

'I am so proud: My kids are finally fighting all the time!'

"Act your birth order!"

'My brother got all the glory. For me it was Randolph with your nose so pink, you really make my sleigh team stink.'

'Oh no! We forgot to unstrap granny before we left!'

'In my day you had to reach puberty before you could act surly.'

'MOM! -- Samantha called me names in her diary!'

"Mother, take your time, I know this isn’t easy for you. But this is an important moment in our lives, so I will ask you one more time, what on earth did you do with my old comic books?!"

"A phony attorney…I'm so disappointed, son. Your brother is a phony doctor."

…Here's the deal…You get your brother and sister to finish their fruit, vegetable and milk, and I'll get you extra dessert… Food Pyramid Scheme.

'Well, I'm sorry. But your mother criticized my chicken casserole one too many times.'

"So, you're the blind date! Listen, if it doesn't work out with my Lisa, just comeback: she has 27 sisters...."

Brother and sister at the dentist

3 Easy Christmas Crafts

'How do you figure?'

Bad Heir Day

'Dad, can I speak to you, offline, about father son bonding?'

"Mommy and Daddy are arguing again."

Family Feud

"We are fighting so much I'm coming to live with you again."

'Steven, think back to when you were 9 and tell me how you felt when your big brother intentionally stepped on your face to get to the upper bunk.'

conversation in a bowl of nuts. That's unfortunate, but not unusual. All of us come from broken homes.

Thanksgiving Smackdown

'Your second cousin won a Nobel Prize in physics, and you don't know how gravity works?'

"There's no one to blame but myself. I wish I had a little brother."

'I have an older brother too, so I know what it's like to be in middle-management.'

"Life as I know it is over! My mom's going to have another baby... I'm no longer their pride and joy!"

"I'm gonna be an artist!"

Patriarchy vs Matriarchy

"Why do you decide everything? Why were you born first? Who made that ruling? And where do I file my appeal?"

"We don't fight all the time, only when we're together."

'When my folks left for the evening, my little sister was always in charge...'

"He's got a very easily done in head."

"Any chance of hanging around to watch them fight over the will?"

"And then, as soon as I had carved out my niche, they went and had another kid."