Family Reunions Gifts

Phil uses all seven tiles in Scrabble and ascends to heaven

'Dad! Dad! Dad!!. . . We lost our signal.'

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

"Which side of the plates do the cellphones go?"

Discussion...1/4 mile. Argument...1/2 mile. Fight...1 mile.

'That's your Uncle Joe. He's the black sheet of the family.'

"Be sure to check out the rides. They're free, too, with the purchase of tickets."

'Mom, I followed your time-honored legendary family recipe for Brussels Spout Bake with one exception - I substituted a pizza for the Brussels Sprouts.'

Columbus discovers ...that when exploring, it's not such a great idea to bring the family along.

Never refuse their homemade food.

'You can forget about the fertility dance this year - we've already got ten kids!'

"Dad did say he'd do anything to get out of going to Mom's parents this vacation."

'I remember when she was proud to be seen with her parents.'

"Let's not discuss it."

'Home haircuts for the family portrait.'

A Family Out For A Walk In The Country.

"I never think about cholesterol when I'm on vacation."

'Remember the book about the scary monsters, Honey? Well, your father's relatives can't hurt you, either.'

"Sorry son, I rented out your room to backpackers on Airbnb."

"This is your parent's idea of a guest room?"

"This weekend was boring! All we did was go camping, biking, fishing, sailing, swimming, got to a game, go to the amusement park and go to a movie."

'All right, on three everybody snarl.'

Arabian Cuisine

'That was your father. He's going to be late for our family meeting because he's watching football.'

Ransom demand - "Please take your kids back or we'll kill ourselves."

'Would you mind waiting out here awhile? My Mom and Dad are having one of their knock-down drag-out extravaganzas.'

"Childhood nicknames and pinched cheeks...I knew there was a reason I didn't like family gatherings."

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"You're a veteran? In which wars did you serve?"

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

"Yeah, I get the same thing. Walked four miles to school in the snow....I guess there weren't any cars of busses when our parents were our age!"

"The rabbit got lost."

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"It's nice when all the kids get together at Christmas, but..."

"Mom, Eugene picked all the peanuts off the pizza!"