Family Relationship Enthusiast Gifts

Little Brother for Sale: 'I don't care what he did!'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

A child interrupting family prayers

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"Listen. Nobody's cuter than anyone else! You're all equally cute!"

I love my family!

Mother's Love

"It's bold! It's moving! It's inspired! But what is it?"

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"Use your inside scream."

It's a Boy

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

"I'm so good at this!"

'I think babies grow in a mommy's tummy and adopted babies grow in a mommy's heart.'

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

"And remember, it's important to wake them up at hourly intervals."

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

'They're a very successful family.'

"I think it's time we learned to stand up for our selves."

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

"Do you have to do that even when it's not Valentine's Day?"

'If your boss is so dumb, daddy, why did he hire you?'

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."