Family Life Documentarian Pillows

'More pictures of your kid? What, still trying to find its good side?'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"It's his emotional support animal."

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

Kirsten Johnson

Police film evidence

"The couch hates me Jane!"

Crocodile

George Washington's sister was always getting him into trouble.

"I told you not to touch it. I should've used your language and told you not to click on it."

"You're good mum. But, Billy's mum is a better cook than you. She only knows how to make chocolate cake."

"They're clean Mum, I washed them yesterday."

"Mom said mopping up my snow tracks is a good start for my bucket list."

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

'I still say these shots need more action.'

"Careful George. You don't want to hurt our baby boy."

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

'If whales are so intelligent, why do they swim near Japan?'

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

'Great! So that's the film... Now for the sound!'

"He followed me home...finally!"

'Quit playing kick ball with your brother!'

'Hold it - someone's filming this without permission!'

'Coming up next...more of man's inhumanity to man...in hi-def.'

"Those pervs from the nature channel are filming us again."

"I told you this would happen once you let her sleep on the bed."

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

"Our little girl has blossomed into quite the little complainer."

'Hey Holly, Watch! Biscuit can catch a ginger snap in mid-air!!'

'Because it's there.' ... 'Because he may fall.'