Family Documentarian Pillows

"They always bring a camera. They keep hoping I'll do something interesting."

"Can I have a photo of the happy family for my records? Boy I love my job!"

"When you get home, please complete this questionnaire on just how much you enjoyed the film show of our holidays through the ages."

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"They grow up so fast."

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

True confessions.

"When I was young my parents couldn't afford to give me too much, too soon."

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

Children's Party

'Riley, I think it's time you learned the truth... You're adopted.'

Crocodile

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

Police film evidence

Kirsten Johnson

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

'You were a band geek?! Maybe Max will play an instrument!'

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

A father films his family while imagining himself as a director

"See those birch trees on the other side of the pond? That’s the exact spot where your mother first called me an idiot."

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

"But our history was current events when you were at school Dad!"

'It is a big day! Ten years ago, yout dad joined the union!'

"Grandpa, how did you ever survive without apps?"

Wyatt returns home to visit his old small town.

"Oh I remember, it was a particularly cold day and your daddy whispered sweet nothings in my ear. It gave me such a warm feeling inside that I knew he was the one!"

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

'If I want to live happily ever after, grandma, do I have to marry a princess?'

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

'It's a horror-comedy.'