Family Intervention Gifts

"I'm thankful for this intervention."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

I figured out how we can pay for the kids' college tuitions. Do tell. I'm going to leave for a year of self-discovery, which I will chronicle in a best-selling memoir. Oh, but

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

"Now, Mrs. Jones, repeat after me..."

Common Core Family Therapy

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

"Grandmom told me "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." I told her that has medical malpractice written all over it!"

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

By teaching the parrot a few key phrases, Marilyn no longer needs to nag her kids.

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

"Go ask your mother ... and I'll tell you why she's wrong."

"We need to have a serious talk."

'My mom says we're expecting a house guest for 18 years.'

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"Someday, my dimwitted son, all this will belong to your sister."

'I'm NOT being a tattle-tale! -- I'm being a reliable source!'

'You shouldn't be nervous about meeting my parents - you're more their age than mine!'

"Don't try to blame this mess on your father!"

'Except...That.'

"I'm sorry madam but we don't make them go missing."

Proud Mum.

Interpreters.

How were the academic departments on the campuses you visited? Dad!!! Stop stressing me!! College hunting is hard enough without you prying into every detail of my life! Arrghh!! How were the drama departments?

"I've spent so much time with my family that I've started to lose sight of what really matters."

'Text your father and tell him I'm not talking to him!'

"You shouldn't be ashamed of yourself. A lot of parents aren't smart enough to help their 7-year-old with their homework."

The Supreme Court, Juvenile Divisio: "As usual, the obvious precedent for this case is the children v. Mommy."

A policeman and protester in the same family.