Family Harmony Supporter Pillows

Doing the washing up.

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

"You're adopted."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

Separation Anxiety

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

"Relax, grandpa. The quarterback is taking a knee to run out the clock."

Ever wonder why we debated what color fridge to buy?

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"I love spending time together as a family. It brings us together. It makes us stronger. It helps us understand each other."

"Dad, when I leave high school, I want to get a job and help support the family."

'Technology hasn't saved me any money. I'm now supporting those relatives of mine they replaced.'

Magic Carpet Cleaning

Thomas was brought up by his extended family

'He's trying to put three kids through college.'

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.'

Solidarity with the family

"I owe everything I have today to my parents, my wife, and the bank."

"They are what keeps me going. You wouldn't believe how expensive it is raising three kids."

"Son, your mother and I, Grandpa Jack, Grandma Kate, Uncle Danny, Aunt Sue, Grandpa Sy, Grandma Jenny, Cousin Rhonda, Tugger, and Sprinkles are gay."

Annual caring for elderly parent marathon.

"Sorry, Mom. Sorry, Pop."

'As a graduation present my parents ae going to remodel their basement for my home.'

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

Musical washing

"Okay, so we all agree to support your father's run for office even though his ideas are bats**t crazy."

'You told me to put away the groceries.'

Gay adoption

Woman is on computer searching a website for lost socks.

'Herbert just loves to help with the dishes.'

"It's come to my attention that the team feels I'm not pulling my own weight."

"I'm not allowed to come out and play. I was being good, but I relapsed."

"The secret to a good marriage son is to do most of the spring cleaning..."

"Sorry, but my mum doesn't want me to invite friends over: She's kind of ashamed we live in a pigsty..."

'It figures. They're designing a hockey site.'