Family Gathering Aficionado T-Shirts

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

'Burl says it only works with corn though if you want to try it.'

Polygamists' Picnic

"Sarah has two mommies and both of them are good cooks."

Mother feeds messy child with extra long spoon.

'Aw, mom! How come I always have to eat at the kiddie carcass?'

"It's so nice to gather and enjoy a simple home-cooked meal together."

"You've all been like a company to me."

"When it comes to turkeys, Mom, you sure know your stuff-ing."

One of Many California Gene Pools

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

"Ok, Griffin — let him see Mom’s roast!"

"You're close, but you're not the record. The record for one family in one booth—all from out of state, each ordering a complete breakfast—was set in 1978, with fifteen."

The First 3-D Thanksgiving

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

"You heard your mother. There's no need to bless the superfoods."

"...and most of all, thank you for pre-cooked holiday meals from the supermarket!"

'When I'm rich, I'm going to hire a food taster to check for vegetables.'

Adult Table - Kids Table - Kids' Friends Table

"Funny how we never seem to run out of vegetables."

"More aphorisms, please!"

"Let's welcome our new member, Bob!" "You, too!" "'You, too'? Idiot!"

"And since when does being twenty-five and married and living in Dallas excuse you from a family meeting?"

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

The Cricket on the Hearth - Title-page to the first edition

"You remember Champ. . ."

'Are you still eating your breakfast? I want to lay the table for lunch.'

'I'm thankful you didn't make turnips.'

'I don't really hate vegetables, but if I eat them, what's next...GIBLETS?'

"Mom, Dad – I’d like you to meet Edna."