Family Founders Gifts

Maternity Ward: No Returns/No Exchanges

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

"You're on a what?!"

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

"Anachronism or not, it just ain't the fourth without the ribs and Willie Nelson."

"Wilson, I built this company from scratch!"

Several generations live together in Cuba

Family DNA

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

"Why mum, I didn't know that you had written a book."

The signing of Ben Franklin's non-disclosure agreement.

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

'We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, except for Hancock... who smells bad...'

Big Shot/Bigger Shot.

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

'The big feet come from your side of the family.'

'The suspense is killing us. Which one is our grandchild?'

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

Changes at home

Estate Sale! All the stuff my kids said they don't want to inherit.

'Here comes the Papa-razzi again...'

"I often consult with a higher authority... my grandmother."

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

'Well, isn't this nice? Three generations all sitting down together.'

"I had a great weekend... My Grandpa talked about the war again and my Dad about his most daring facebook comments!"

"That's my dad back when he was, like, militarized."

If business gets any worse I'll have to start laying off relatives.

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

"Meeting old relatives...is like peeking into our future."

"This family seems to multiply every year."

Send us $2.00, and we'll send you Your Family Tree

"I'm taking detailed notes of everything, so I can tell my kids what things were really like when I was their age."