Founding Fathers Fan Gifts

"Are you sure everyone will know we're being ironic?"

"You're on a what?!"

'We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, except for Hancock... who smells bad...'

"If I'd lived back then, I would have signed it, too."

"Does anyone read script?"

The signing of Ben Franklin's non-disclosure agreement.

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Hancock, to really drive home the point, sign your name really big, followed by an angry face emoji!"

Paul Klee

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"Anachronism or not, it just ain't the fourth without the ribs and Willie Nelson."

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"Wilson, I built this company from scratch!"

'He was always too busy to sit for his portrait.'

"Ben, forget... what... I'd said about... plastics!"

Maternity Ward: No Returns/No Exchanges

"Imagine! In the past year alone, Thomas Jefferson has learned to speak Swahili and play the glockenspiel."

"When in the course of human events it becomes... Oh, blast it! Adams is just going to edit the heck out of this..."

'Not today,son-not on Fathers' Day!'

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

Benjamin Franklin

Our founder and Our founders lawyer.

"Can you wangle me some parental leave?"

Baby Shower

Still a Disappointment to his Mother

Davy Crocat

August Comte

"He had an uncanny ability to pick up the scent of opportunity."

Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov.

The day after Father's Day.

'I'm not giving you a lift. If you want to run away from home, run.'

'Here's your choice. Grounded for a week or a walk around the Mall with me while I wear this.'

Fathers Saluting Each Other.

'I'm begging you, please don't let me go!'

"Well ok....but in your case I'll need DNA proof!"