Family Fortune Philosopher Gifts

'Someday, son, all this will be divided among your ex-wives.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

'It's crunch time, Caldwell. That's the time between when you're born, and when you make your first million.'

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

Flat tax - equal burden?

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

"Yes, I am interested in taking a fresh look at my holdings."

Money god

"Money is life's report card."

Economic Downturns

Fortune cookies based on various business magazines.

'I got a big refund on my income tax.'

"The problem with capitalism is the unequal sharing of wealth. The problem with socialism is the equal sharing of wealth..."

"Stocks edged lower on the news there's more to life than the accumulation of material things..."

"Lucky for you, you died during a bear market."

Accountant Manqué

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

Portfolio, 2014 - For a richer enjoyment, allow to age.

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

'We'll never understand these kids. It's the old evolution gap.'

'We do spend a lot and tax a lot, but it's the price you pay for living in a money-based economy.'

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

"Before we start, does anyone fancy a bet on the outcome?"

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

"If that income is personal, why do I have to tell you about it"?

'If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?'