Family-first Dad Pillows

"Be there in a sec, darling. I just want to touch base with Tiffany."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

Woman with kids at husbands office.

'I'm glad you're able to be with us more, but I'd appreciate it if you'd say you're 'spending time' with us, not 'doing time' with us.'

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

'I don't have time for throwing up.'

"Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 2."

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

Skateboard

"Dad! I can't believe we come to the beach and you set up all the way out here! I can barely see the ocean...we're so far from the wa..."

Man building a tree house

No caption (A daughter shines a light from her cellphone as her dad makes a Twitter icon shadow puppet).

"Stay-at-home Snowdad."

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

"Your daughter called—you promised to play phone tag with her today."

'Your wife has had triplets. I suggest you go home and get some of the sleep you won't get in the next several years.'

A Father Clown marking the growth progress of his son's shoe size.

'Please feel free to tell me if Junior is in your way...'

'Watch this! Open up a straw by scrunching up its wrapper! Now put a drop of water on that wrinkly paper tube! Check it out! It wiggles and grows!'

Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 5

At the modern antenatal class.

'I know you've gotten attached to him, Bobby, I have too, but the man at the door is from his firm and needs him back.'

"What do you want to be when your dad grows up?"

The four sides of W Amherst Faunton: Boss/husband/father/friend.

'I'd like to see him do that with your cooking...'

'Where's the steering wheel on this damn thing?'

'Let's play house. You be the stay-at-home dad, and I'll be the career mom.'

The Husband Caddie

"Nothing like taking a few weeks off to spend time with the kids Eh!"

Tired Guys

'Doug and I have agreed to stay together until the children and his hedge fund are grown.'

'Changing diapers isn't so bad, as long as you don't look down.'

Give me whatever and make it fast. What? What do you mean? My wife gave me ten minutes of freedom for Father's Day. And I burned through three of those just sprinting over here. We have four children and a fifth one any day now. She's tired in bed so I'm on 24/7 kid duty. I haven't left the house, taken a shower, or gone potty by myself since 2015. My ear hairs are skinny secret babies that whisper to me at night that I may be going insane. So for Father's Day, my loving wife granted me ten flee

'With a boss, a wife and three teenaged kids, I haven't had much time to worry about international affairs.'

'OK, it's a kidney. But you should have seen the kids faces when they opened their x-boxes.'