Family First Advocate Pillows

"It's the old man's idea. Reckons his young executives should see more of their families."

Personnel: 'I promised Mom I'd call her when I got here safely - do you mind?'

'Here's a photo of me, my wife, my bulldozer and my banker. This one's just me and my wife.'

'The good news is that I can spend more time with my family. The bad news is my job is now only part time.'

'I know you've gotten attached to him, Bobby, I have too, but the man at the door is from his firm and needs him back.'

"I'm not going to work late tonight, so I can normalize relations with my family!"

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

Vehicles are having their own election. These are the candidates. The ambulance appeals to voters who think health care is most important. Voters focusing on education issues favor the school bus. And those wanting family-friendly policies are backing the minivan. The tractor is an expert on agricultural issues, and the import is a free trade advocate. Those voters concerned about environmental issues like the electric hybrid, and those wanting a strong military support the Jeep. What's t

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

'I think it's about time we tell him he's adopted.'

"Your resume says that you've got your Ph.D., your M.B.A. and that you've worked as a C.F.O. and C.E.O. but that your most important title and position has been M.O.M.?"

Reasonableman

'Mum...Dad's barbecued his face again.'

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"How is it gendered?"

'We will not be disarmed by gun control! We will not be stripped naked and left at the mercy of a tyrannical government!'

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

The Dangers of Not Getting Enough Sleep...

"It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother."

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

"Here comes the super-visor."

'We don't want to risk having any injuries during spring training.'

"Yeah, he's very like his father isn't he?"

"Pity that 'on' button's a bit of a stretch."

"The emotional support goes both ways."

"Your daughter called—you promised to play phone tag with her today."

'In the few remaining minutes of the lesson I can't do better than to show you how to fill an accident form.'

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

'I know we hadn't planned on getting a bigger car until we had kids, but I think we need one now to accommodate the bumper-stickers.'

"Now just hold on a minute, fellers. This thing doesn't look to be very safe at all."

'I'm on beach-patrol today: It's sunscreen in there...'

Barber has strapped boy in barber chair with a safety belt.

I just don't trust those self-flying brooms yet.