Family Entertainers Gifts

"Yes, we have a 'Happy Meal.' It's when you leave the kids home."

Caution Working Family

'Here you go, kid! A worm.'

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

A Guide to Balloon Animals

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

'He does.'

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

"Be sure to check out the rides. They're free, too, with the purchase of tickets."

Graph Your Relatives!

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

'Look, Dad, I made a pair of boots out of your chest waders.'

'We haven't had a family get-together like this since we were kids - Hey! Where are mum and dad?'

"He is throwing another of his 'hissy fits' again!"